Why Avoiding Fights Shows Christian Strength
Reading time: 7 minutes
*The teachings of this article were written with the help of AI.
A trip to Elena with three friends of mine turned into a valuable lesson. I learned how to follow God’s Word and avoid getting into fights.
An Incident That Teaches a Lesson
I arrive in Elena, a charming mountain town, to explore it.
Me on the Left with One of my Friends on Arrival
While exploring Elena, one of my friends taps me lightly on the back when I am not looking. Then he laughs as I panic and think it is some kind of joke. But I do not like it at all, so I ask him nicely not to do it. However, he does it again. This time, I get angry and punch him lightly in the chest.
Me on the Left with the Friend I had an Argument with
But my friend overreacts and starts shouting and challenging me to a fight. We are in the center of the town, and many people are looking at us. I realize that if I do not back down, the situation will escalate, so I apologize to him in the name of peace.
God’s Word on Avoiding Fights
At that moment, I remembered a verse from the Bible:
“Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on arguing.” – Proverbs 20:3.
I was glad we did not start a fight, and the situation calmed down quickly.
Sometimes someone gets angry at us, says bad words, and tries to provoke us. We may have done something that made them angry. Perhaps we said something wrong, or, in some rare cases, there may not be any reason at all—it may simply be an act of hate and envy.
Start of a Fight – Pexels.com
In such cases, our natural reaction is to defend ourselves immediately and return the insult, perhaps even with a bigger one, hoping this will scare and stop the person. We feel that we must prove we are right, even though in some cases we may think we are right when we are not.
I remember once I was corrected by a fellow Christian on a certain statement. However, I misunderstood him and thought I was right. We began arguing, and no one wanted to step back. We nearly started a fight, but thanks to God it did not go that far. Years later, I realised in fact the fellow Christian did me a huge favor in telling me the truth, while there were many other people who knew I was wrong but did not say a thing. So I apologised to the person and felt really relieved. To my surprise, he did not remember the situation. This is a very good example of how something very small can escalate to a fight, just because of a misunderstanding.
Proverbs 20:3 teaches that there is honor in avoiding a fight. It shows self-control, wisdom, and humility. We do not have to prove our strength by winning an argument. We must not allow anger to control us. Honor comes from choosing peace when fighting back only produces more harm.
This, of course, does not mean that we agree with the person who is mistreating us. It simply means that we choose peace over anger and hatred.
Why We Should Avoid Unnecessary Conflict
A conflict often begins with something small. One person says something bad, another responds, then there is another response, and so on. Soon, the situation escalates. If nobody is honorable enough to step back from an unnecessary conflict, there can eventually be a fight. The situation starts small and becomes much bigger simply because nobody wants to step back.
A Beginning of a Conflict – Pexels.com
When we refuse to respond to an insult, the argument can end before it turns into a serious conflict.
This is especially important when we feel very angry. In such a state, we can say very bad things that we later regret. This can damage our relationships with friends and relatives.
The Bible teaches us to value peace. Jesus calls His followers to be peacemakers, and Proverbs teaches that a gentle answer can turn away anger.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1
It is wiser to answer gently, even when we are misunderstood and insulted, instead of reacting harshly, because a harsh response can simply produce more anger.
Avoiding a fight does not mean we approve of what the other person says. We can recognize that someone is treating us unfairly and still choose to remain peaceful.
We can simply say, “I disagree, but I do not want to argue about this,” and leave the conversation.
That simple decision can protect our peace.
Walking Away Does Not Make Us Cowards
Many people think that if we walk away from an argument, it is a sign of weakness. They think it means we allow the other person to defeat us.
But biblical strength looks different.
The Bible teaches us to have self-control and remain quiet when we have many angry words that want to come out. It takes strength to refuse revenge when we are harshly insulted. It takes wisdom to understand that it is not necessary to prove that we are right when something is not worth the cost.
A person who controls his anger is stronger than someone who easily loses his temper.
“Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” – Proverbs 16:32
Walking away is actually an act of confidence. We do not need the approval of the person who is attacking us or anybody else. We need approval from God. It is foolish to try to prove our worth through an argument.
Our identity comes from God.
Why Fools Insist on Arguing
God calls people who insist on arguing fools. Why?
Because arguing can become an addiction of the heart.
Some people do not try to solve a problem. They want to argue because they want to win. They want people to admit that they are right, which gives them a kind of pride. And they know that they are so aggressive and stubborn when arguing that they will most probably win, so that is why they insist on doing so.
Because of their pride, they do not seek truth from the argument. They seek victory over the other person.
A foolish argument can continue even when such a person realizes that he is wrong. He simply cannot admit it because of his pride and continues to argue.
We as Christians must first ask ourselves:
“Will this conversation bring peace, truth, and understanding, or will it just produce more anger?”
If the answer is obvious, we can choose to stop.
There is no shame in saying, “I do not want to continue this argument.”
Sometimes the most mature thing is to remain silent.
When We Must Speak and Confront
However, Proverbs 20:3 does not mean that Christians should avoid every confrontation.
There are situations in which we have no other choice but to speak up. We must defend someone who is being mistreated. We must establish a healthy boundary if not doing so costs us our well-being. We must confront something that is seriously wrong.
The difference is in how we confront.
We do not have to become aggressive. We can speak firmly without hatred. We can tell the truth without insulting another person. We can set a boundary without seeking revenge.
Let us take an example from Jesus Himself and the Apostles.
Jesus Himself confronts wrongdoing, but His purpose is not to satisfy anger or pride. He seeks truth and righteousness.
So before we confront someone, we can examine our hearts.
Am I speaking because I want to help, or because I want to hurt?
Am I seeking truth, or am I simply trying to win?
Am I protecting what is right, or am I protecting my pride?
These questions can completely change the way we approach conflict.
With the Other Two Friends at a Waterfall
At the End Everything ended with a Nice Little Party in the Hotel Room
God taught me that it is an honor to avoid fights. This was not cowardice; it was self-control and humility. So much harm could have been avoided if people had followed these words. However, if something was seriously wrong, we could speak with courage, wisdom, and love, just as Jesus and the Apostles did, without being aggressive or responding to evil with evil. We were called to overcome evil with good.